Zumping: the rise of Zoom breakups

The search for love continues – and so does the ending of once-promising relationships. Now, though, all this is happening via videoconference

Name: Zumping.

Age: Young. It has only recently become what is known as “a thing”.

Nothing to do with Dr Seuss, then? It sounds like something that might happen to the Lorax. Or a Wocket. Nope, this is much more recent. Think the last month.

Something to do with lockdown? But no one is doing any “thing”, are they? Apart from worrying, eating, drinking and not being able to read. And Zooming? Getting warmer.

This has to do with Zoom, doesn’t it? The clue is in that Z. Very warm.

And relationships? Correct. Dating on video-chat sites has been a thing since this started. Just because you can’t actually go out there doesn’t mean you can’t put yourself out there, if you know what I am saying.

I do. Some couples, whose dream weddings have been corona-scuppered, have been going ahead anyway and broadcasting it live. Check out the hashtag #zoomwedding on Instagram.

If you can start – and cement – a relationship on a platform, you can end it there, too, right? Are people getting dumped on Zoom? Yes! Inevitably. After the pub quiz, the breakup …

A simple text message won’t do? No. Neither will a Post-it.

Who is getting Zumped? Julia Moser, for starters.

The freelance writer/producer from Los Angeles, formerly co-president of her high-school cheese club? That’s the one. “Am I the first person who’s been dumped via Zoom?” she asked in a tweet.

Which went viral? Yes, although let’s avoid that phrase, for the moment.

Yes, sorry. And was she the first? No! Soon, people were piling in with sad stories about how they got the old heave-ho on Zoom and Skype.

Skumped? Zumped, FaceTumped, Housepumped, it is all much of a muchness. One Twitter user revealed that she got dumped on Tumblr, while another said that his boyfriend broke up with him on FaceTime. On Christmas Day. Someone else claimed they got ditched via Aim.

Aim? Isn’t that something to do with the Stock Exchange? It was also AOL Instant Messaging, popular in the US in the 00s. You have probably been MySpumped and you just haven’t realised. Why do you think you haven’t seen your partner since 2008?

Do you think Gary Lineker has done it on Zoom? Or the fella from Supergrass? Go on then … why?

Cos then the dumpee could say they had been Gazumped. There you go.

Do say: “It’s not you, it’s your broadband connection.”

Don’t say: “Don’t suppose there’s any chance of breakup Zex?”